Turning 58 and missing Elliott

I turned 58 a couple days ago!  The day itself had its ups and downs.

To start the day, I got up to check on Elliott and go to the bathroom.  On the way back to bed, I stepped in kitty poop because Deja chose to poop next to her box.  I think she was mad at me about something.

I came to work and that went well.

In the afternoon, Mark and Kathryn took Elliott to the vet because he hasn't been doing very well -- he lost 15 lbs in the last three months.  He was weak, had no muscle, and didn't have much quality of life.  They decided to release him to the Rainbow Bridge.  I hope he is running with Angel now. I always thought that he must be related to Angel because he reminded me so  much of her.

After we took time to cry and grieve a bit, we decided to go out for a birthday dinner.  We had wonderful steak at Outback.  We got our drinks and toasted Elliott.  I will miss him.  I'm sure there will be more dogs in my future, but right now, we are still missing Elliott.

Life does move on.

Losing a friend

You go through life and you get busy.  You sort of lose touch with friends.  Susie would think of someone and send them a postcard.  I sent her one in August, but I don't know if she got it.  I never really knew if she was in Alaska or Arizona.  I got one in September that she wrote on Aug 31.  At that time, I think she was in Alaska.  She was helping take care of her husband who had a heart attack.  But she may have been in Arizona in a very expensive house that she needed to sell.

We met and became friends because we were the only new girls at Nimitz Junior High school in Tulsa in the fall of 1972.  We went to different high schools but we were already best friends.  We went off to OSU together the summer of 1976 and were roommates.  She was absolutely gorgeous with wonderful long hair.  (Stole this from Facebook -- thanks to whoever posted it).

A few years ago, she was going to be alone on New Years Eve.  I talked her into flying to Dallas and staying with us for a couple days.  We had one of our low-key New Years Eve parties where we wore hats and played Apples to Apples.  She had so much fun.  I'm not sure that there was a lot of fun in her adult life.

She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when she was in her 20's.  That helped explain some of her behavior.  I don't think living in Alaska where it is dark in the winter helped her.

Many years ago, her mother had a stroke.  Susie wasn't her primary caregiver, but she had to fight with a step brother to make sure the bills were paid.  She had to make sure that they had the right caregivers present.  Then her husband had health issues and she took care of him too.  Then he had a heart attack and she went back to Alaska to be with him.  He had a car accident recently driving from Arizona to Alaska.  I think Susie was just done taking care of people.  Someone needed to take care of her.  However, her cousin and her sister tried.  Susie could be stubborn.  Also she didn't want to bother anyone.  So due to all that and more, Susie decided that she was done with life.  On Nov 8, she was just DONE and she took her life.

Oh Susie, I will cherish that last postcard that I got from you.  I wish you knew how many people loved you.  I wish you didn't have Bipolar Disorder which lied to you about how wonderful you are.  I wish I had sent you a postcard after I got the last one.  I wish I could talk to you again and that you could come again to one of my New Years Eve parties.

Has it Really Been 10 Years?

Today as I parked in staff parking at TCC, I noticed a student being dropped off in front of a building.  This isn't that unusual.  Some people have one car for multiple people, some people just don't like to drive, and sometimes the student isn't of driving age.

I recollected that the first semester Kevin was enrolled at TCC as a dual-credit student, he wasn't of driving age for the first couple weeks of class.  So I dropped him off at that same exact spot that I saw another student being dropped off at today.  Then I realized that Kevin is 25 (soon to be 26) and when I dropped him off he was 15 (soon to be 16).  TEN YEARS AGO???? my mind screamed at me.  That can't possibly be right.  However, I am a mathy person and I know that 25-15=10.  How can TEN YEARS go by so quickly? 

Phillipians 4:6-7

Philippian 4: 6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This is "my bible verse" It has gotten me through some things! It was my mantra when I was pregnant with Kathryn.
I have a "personal blog" saved in the cloud that only God and I read. I write to God there. I write my prayers. Sometimes I rant and rave a little bit. It really is just a long word document. I started in October 5, 2009 when I was worried about the direction my church was going. Around August 2010, I started out each entry by copying and pasting my bible verse. It is supposed to remind me to stop worrying. It reminds me to give my worries to God. I pray/write about my kids, my husband, and today I wrote a prayer about someone I hardly know who may have to have heart surgery soon. I try to remember to thank God when He answers my prayers. I know that he always answers them, but sometimes I don't see the answer as readily as other times.
One of the answer in the last few years that I have seen -- my new church. Yes it was painful to watch my old church make such a radical change, but God brought me to an interim church and then to a wonderful new church home.
There are many answers to my prayers about my kids. Being a mom increases one's prayer life -- and having them move into adulthood just brings more prayers.
When I don't see the answer, I try to leave it with God and assume he is answering "that isn't the best for you" or "not now".
I pray for some friends that aren't Christian. I can't explain my faith. Some people are much better at that than I am. I once had a person ask how I could be such a logical thinker and believe in Christ at the same time. I don't think a person has a list of things we have to get done here on earth to make it to heaven -- well we have the 10 Commandments but those are broken daily by all of us. I truly believe that the only thing that saves us is Christ's grace. Do I think he had to die to save us -- not necessarily, he could have saved us any way God wanted, but that is how he saved us. I hate it when someone say "the bible clearly says "x"..." to me; because frequently the bible also clearly says "y" (I tutor Algebra alot -- hence the x and y) You can't "bible beat" anyone into believing.
So I just keep praying for my friends who don't believe and I sort of think that God's Grace is going to save them too. I know that God's Grace is much bigger than I could ever imagine.

Who's in charge?

I know that God has everything under control, but...

Yesterday at church I cried at seeing what God has done for me in the way of my church family.  A year ago, I was church homeless in that I had left a church and was visiting another one, but I knew I wouldn't join it.  In July Abiding Grace Lutheran had their first worship on my birthday.  We have been meeting at a Montessori school gym since early fall.  Now the building is going to be sold and we will have to find a new place.  Worry much -- no because I know God has done wonderful things for Abiding Grace and have no reason to worry.

Last night, I was checking my email before I went to bed.  I received the unfortunate news that a friend's fiance had died in a car accident.  Why???  They were so in love.  His first marriage had ended in divorce and now he had fallen in love again.  Why did she die?  As I ask "where was God?"  I know he was there holding her as she died in her car and whisked her away to heaven-- but why?  What about my friend who is left here on earth without her.  I know that God has everything under control, but ...   All night I kept waking up and each time I said a prayer for my friend.

Kevin and Amy are moving to Austin.  I know that God has been holding Kevin in the palm of His hand for the last 24 years.  So I keep praying that he keeps holding him and I add a prayer that he finds a job and that Amy doesn't hurt my son.  I like Amy, but a mom sometimes sees a son's love interest as someone who might hurt her son.  I pray that doesn't happen!

I know that God has everything under control so I keep praying and I keep hoping.  I know that the final victory has been won.  The "battles" here on earth are just piddly little ones in comparison! 

If you want to read a better blog -- read Kevin's  fakingmyway.wordpress.com

Kat's is good too, but she hasn't updated lately.

Home Repairs

This week the painters are at the house painting ceilings, refinishing cabinets and doors.  It is stressing me out.  My house is usually my sanctuary, but this week it is just a mess.  I have had to sleep in another room one night, wash  my  hair in the kitchen sink, apply new makeup in the Walmart parking lot where I had just bought the makeup because I couldn't get to the bathroom where my makeup is located.

The painters are very nice people, they are doing what we hired them to do -- but I will be so glad when they are done!

I'm nervous about living in a smaller house but I will be glad to have it all on one floor.  I loved having two stories for a long time, but now, I'm ready for a one story house.  We will see if the architect can make the third bedroom/office a little more livable.

Madre

I became a madre 24 years ago today!  It's been the best job I have ever had.  It's also been the most challenging and rewarding job I have ever had! (mostly rewarding)

Happy Birthday Kevin!